Coping skills is a term that you have likely heard, as it is thrown around a lot in the mental health world.
The truth is, coping skills are essentially anything that helps you manage uncomfortable emotions and situations.
We all subconsciously use coping skills in our daily life, and some serve us better than others.
Certain skills might be helpful with managing some of your emotions, and unhelpful with other emotions.
What are coping skills?
Coping skills can be any internal or external strategy you use to handle stressful situations or difficult emotions.
Whether you are managing emotions of anger, anxiety & stress, depression and urges to self-harm…coping skills are for you!!
There are many different types of coping skills which I will explain further below, but essentially we can use coping skills in any type of situation.
Some coping skills can be done in any setting, without any materials needed.
For example, some of the deep breathing techniques I discuss in this article can be performed in just about any situation, as all you need is your body & breath, no extra supplies!
Whereas other skills might need specific supplies. For example if you know a certain playlist helps calm your anxious thoughts, you would need a listening device (phone) and possibly headphones in order to complete this skill.
Another example of a coping skill needing supplies was if you know coloring helps you manage your anger and responses to triggers, you would need a coloring book & colored pencils on hand to be able to practice this skill.
I know this seems simple, but I want to drill in that coping skills can be just about anything we use to help manage our stressful emotions.
You might be using your coping skills without even realizing it, because they are essential to survival.
These could be ways you distract your mind from a stressful event, ways you breathe intentionally to calm your racing heart down, listening to a calming song on the train if you know your anxiety is spiking…the list goes on and on!!
Building your Toolbox
There is no one size fits all when it comes to building what therapists call your ‘toolbox’ of coping skills.
A ‘coping toolbox’ is essentially a knowledge of several different techniques to utilize during times of stress. It can be helpful to have a variety of skills because certain situations bring up specific emotions to manage and one coping skill will not work for every situation.
Everyone will have to identify through trial and error which types of skills are helpful for which situations. In certain spaces you might want to use a calming technique if your body is feeling agitated or emotionally overwhelmed.
There are times you might need to distract your mind from the current stressor, and thats where distraction techniques can come into play.
You might want to have a space (physical journal or on your phone) to write about your feelings at times of stress if that helps you cope.
Coping skills can even include knowing who your support are, who you can call & where you can go during times of stress.
You can find different skills online to practice or with support from a licensed professional, they can teach you about different techniques to try out!
You don’t need a billion skills in your toolbox, as you want to be able to remember them even during times of heightened stress.
It’s good to have a variety of skills in your toolbox that you understand how to use and can rotate through depending on the stressor and emotion coming up for you.
Some types of intense emotions we might need to cope with include (but aren’t limited to): anger, sadness, fear, rejection, anxiety, worry, grief, urges to self-harm, loneliness, self-criticism, insecurity, shame…
Please note this is not a comprehensive list! We experience such a range of emotions and what is manageable for someone might be intolerable for another person. These are just a few types of difficult emotions that people might experience.
Types & examples of coping skills
Grounding Techniques
Grounding techniques can be helpful to manage a ton of uncomfortable emotions & experiences!
They can be anything that basically helps regulate your deregulated emotions or sensations.
(meaning anything that relaxes you, calms your thoughts or your body sensations)
Some examples include meditation, listening to music, and deep breathing. Therapy can teach you all of these skills & many more.
Deep breathing: 4-7-8 breathing
One example of a deep breathing technique can be the 4-7-8 breathing technique
With this you are aiming to slow your breathing & calm your nervous system.
You will be counting different parts of your breath. This serves as a guideline & also a place to focus your thoughts on.
4-inhale (breath in for 4 seconds, count in your head)
7-hold (count to 7 as you hold this inhaled breath, it might feel uncomfy at first but thats the point)
8-exhale (let the breath out and exhale for 8 seconds. This is longer than normal & intention to slow your agitated body)
So you practice this cycle on repeat until your body has calmed down. You can also ask someone, like your therapist to count out loud for you as you practice so you know what to expect when trying it alone!
Keeping a Journal
Another grounding technique is journaling. You could follow specific prompts for your entries or write whatever comes to mind.
Online there are many journal prompts for any focus, for example searching for journal prompts for low-self esteem or journal prompts for depression will produce hundreds of ideas to jot down and further reflect on when you have the time.
Journaling can be a helpful experience in understanding your emotions and experiences and unpacking some of the layers to these feelings.
Even if there is no purpose other than to write and get your feelings on paper & out of your body, that can be hugely effective.
Journaling can be a safe space for you to cope, understand yourself and others better & validate and feel your feelings, versus the avoidance that many of us subconsciously practice.
Distraction Techniques
Distraction techniques are exactly like what you might think. They are basically a way to take your mind & thoughts off of whatever is consuming them or worrying you.
These skills can be useful when grounding & calming strategies are not working & your thoughts are still really loud!!
Some situations where you might want to practice these skills could be when you are experiencing panicky breathing or becoming fearful you might have a panic attack.
(I say this because the more you thin about having a panic attack the more likely you are to have one)
Below are two of my favorite distraction techniques:
5-4-3-2-1 senses
I know it seems complicated based off the name but it doesn’t have to be! You can follow it exactly with the original numbers or you can do as many as you’d like!
Or as many make it easiest to remember!
For this skill you are using your 5 senses..
This could actually be considered a grounding technique too but bottom line it takes your mind off your stressor & has you focus on your body & sensations instead!
Which is why we love it cause you can do it literally anywhere! Anytime!
Below I will list out this coping skill. Basically you want to find as many things as the number says for each sense.
What this means is you identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell & 1 thing you can taste!
This may seem impossible but I’ll give you a full example below
5 See: This screen as i write, the train seat in front of me, the blank pants I’m wearing, the red floor, the color of my nails…
4 Feel: The keys under my fingers, the seat under my butt, the sweater on my body, the way the back of this chair feels as i sit against it
3 Listen: The noise of the train, the lady talking 2 rows behind me, the clicking of my keyboard
2 Smell: The sour cream & onion chips someone is eating, the smell of train braking on tracks
1 Taste: The seltzer water I’m drinking
It’s clear I’m writing this on a train but that’s not the point!
What is the point is that you can do this exercise ANYWHERE You don’t need anything but yourself!
You can get as creative & imaginative as you want with it. The basic idea is to focus your thinking on your body and senses & through doing this you are taking your mind off whatever painful emotions you are trying to survive.
Categories:
This distraction technique can actually end up becoming a fun game. What starts with taking your mind off of the stressor
Basically you pick any category & try and think of as many items in this category. This can be played solo or with someone else if you feel comfortable.
Some examples of categories could be colors, animals, fruits, states, dog types….you get the point! Anything really could work as long as it will keep you distracted for a little bit of time.
If you are playing with someone else you switch categories when someone repeats one already said or can’t think of one.
As a therapist I have played this with people in session who were in acute stress & it can definitely turn the mood around, at the very least give you a break for a moment.
This article should teach you what coping skills are and why they are essential and helpful to everyone.
You should now have 4 specific tools to begin practicing and reflecting on which are helpful for what emotions…
But the beautiful thing is that we are ever-changing beings and we can continue to learn about what emotions are hard to manage at different points of life.
[…] is just one therapeutic coping skill that professionals recommend to their clients. To learn more, read this article about additional coping strategies and why they […]