Ever wonder what emotions other people struggle with? Or bring up in their therapy sessions? This article focuses on 10 of the hardest emotions to deal with according to a licensed therapist.
Everyone experiences the world in a different way. As do we all experience emotions in a different way.
We all may feel the same emotions, but how we feel them sometimes differs. This article will list several of most difficult emotions that come up regularly in my patients’ therapy sessions.
These emotions are experienced by most people, so if you can identify with this list, you aren’t alone.
Universally there are some emotions that are harder for people to cope with than others, but this list might surprise you!
The first step in being able to cope with and manage your emotions, is recognizing which emotions are coming up for you in the first place.
This article covers 10 of the hardest emotions that I observe people struggling with as a clinical therapist.
1. Anger
Based off my clinical experience, If i had to guess the #1 most difficult emotion for people to deal with, I would say anger.
The amount of time given to this emotion in some people’s lives would surprise some of you.
Anger is often considered a “secondary emotion”, meaning it often comes out when trying to cope with or mask another difficult emotion.
It is still included on this list, as it is the emotion most people are able to easily identify & access.
Anger can be detrimental to all aspects of someone’s life. It can affect their relationships, their job, their family life, basically their entire human experience is largely shaped by how much time is spent being angry.
Why is this emotion so challenging? Largely because it is hard to let go of and it can be all consuming.
Some people get in cycles where they spend a lot of their time being angry about the past, present or future.
Anger in itself can be a helpful emotion especially when it comes to protecting our safety, but when it gets out of control, thats when it can become an issue.
Some people become violent or aggressive with their anger. Even if you aren’t someone to act out physically in anger, it will certainly impact the quality and closeness of your personal and professional relationships.
The challenge with anger is that people often think the only way they can move on is to get revenge or have the scores be evened, but unfortunately holding onto anger, only damages the person carrying it (not the person they intend to hurt with it).
An analogy I heard years ago goes something like this:
Holding onto anger with the intent of using it to get revenge on someone else is like holding onto a burning coal with the plan to throw it at the other person (the person who wronged you). In your plan to throw the burning coal at the other person, you end up being the one holding it and the only one getting burned.
This is something to think about when you consider how much of your time is spent being angry and whether it is actually serving you in any positive way or not.
2. Grief
Grief is a universal emotion that most people have experienced at one point in their life. Grief, put simply, is the deep sorrow you feel following a loss of something.
Grief is absolutely one of the hardest emotions for people to deal with, and unfortunately it is often out of our control or ability to prevent.
People recognize grief emotions around a death, but there are many other types of losses that might bring up feelings of grief for people.
This could include the end of a relationship or friendship, the loss of a pet, leaving your home country & all the people there, losing a job, retirement, loosing independence or mobility as you age… but the list goes on.
People grieve all kinds of life events, and it is not an emotion limited to death.
Grief can be an umbrella term because often it brings up a wide range of emotions throughout the grieving process.
Some emotions that come up with grief include anger, denial, depression, helplessness, hopelessness, isolation, sadness, anxiety and dread, fear, loneliness… but it truly looks different for everyone.
Grief can be an extremely challenging range of emotions to deal with. Largely because there often isn’t much that can be done to change the reality.
What I mean is that with other emotions, therapy can help you reframe your thoughts, or look at the situation differently to have other more neutral or positive emotions, but with grief that often is not an option.
The reality you are living in is a painful and lonely one and grief often makes people feel very alone.
Therapy is a hugely effective way to cope with grief, both individually but through group therapy as well. Hearing and connecting with others going through similar losses & emotions can be very helpful in decreasing the isolation that comes hand in hand with grief.
If you are experiencing grief right now and interested in connecting with other people who might be going through something similar, I encourage you to use this search engine on Psychology Today to search for grief support groups near you!
3. Anxiety
Anxiety made the list because it is a very common emotion that impacts more people than not.
Anxiety is essentially the feeling of worry, nervousness or dread that may be specific to a certain stressor or more free-floating.
Sometimes people can feel anxious about a specific thing, for example an upcoming work presentation or a family dinner next week with toxic family members.
But sometimes anxiety isn’t easily attached to something. Meaning it is more of a free-floating worry and dread that you can’t pinpoint why you are feeling.
This more general dread comes up a lot in session and can actually be more difficult to come with than specific anxieties.
That is because with specific and clear worries often you can cope ahead or make a plan for how to manage this spike in emotion.
Compared to the free-floating anxiety where you can’t assign it to anything, meaning it is harder to cope ahead and make plans accordingly.
Anxiety can be a normal and effective emotion to feel, as it alerts us to dangerous situations, but if it becomes too all-consuming it can become detrimental for those experiencing it.
Anxiety can impact people’s emotional and social well-being, as it can often lead to social withdrawal and avoidance.
Anxiety tells us that we are not safe, and sometimes this can be helpful, but most of the time there is not an actual threat to danger so we spend all our time trying to find a threat that isn’t actually there.
Anxiety is a challenging emotion to manage but developing coping strategies and working with a licensed professional can be effective ways to identify your anxious thoughts, their impact and build coping skills to manage and decrease the disruption they cause in your daily life!
4. Shame
Shame had to be one of the top emotions on the list. Shame is an emotion that comes up ALL the time in therapy & is certainly one of the hardest emotions to deal with!!
Shame is a complex feeling of guilt and embarrassment that you might feel about yourself but on an even deeper level.
What i mean by that is guilt is an emotion that says “I did something bad” and shame is an emotion that says “I am something bad”
See the difference?
Shame is deeply embedded into our beings and can make us believe there are things about us that if people knew they would judge, hate or leave us for.
Shame can be hugely pervasive and comes up frequently in sessions with people trying to heal from trauma and build up their self-worth.
Survivors of trauma or abuse may experience shame regularly, as they have internalized some sense of responsibility for their abuse.
Shame makes people not want to share about themselves, it causes people to withdraw, isolate and prevent connection and understanding.
In many situations, the reasons people are not comfortable with practicing vulnerability and opening up to others is largely due to shame.
They fear that others will judge them or think differently of them once they share.
The opposite is actually true. Meaning the more you are able to share and practice vulnerability, the more likely you are to feel understood, seen & accepted.
Shame prevents us from giving others the opportunity to understand and support us, which leads to further isolation and more shame.
One way to reduce shame is through intentional vulnerability.
By practicing sharing personal experiences that you might feel shame around, you will begin to decrease the shame attached to these emotions.
If you don’t know how to be vulnerable or don’t have a safe space or person to practice this skill with, I recommend you look into finding a therapist or a professional to begin this practice.
Developing language and practicing vulnerability is one of the many skills and benefits you can get from going to therapy! Read this related article to learn more benefits from therapy!
5. Helplessness
Helplessness might surprise some that it made this list, but I see this emotion coming up very often among my patients.
This feeling is a sense of not being able to act effectively or defend yourself if necessary. Basically those feeling helplessness feel like they don’t have the power or ability to do certain things for themselves or enact change for themselves.
This may seem relatively harmless, but when it becomes a baseline emotion for people it can have significant negative effects.
Feeling helpless in the face of stressors can leave people feeling insecure, inadequate, and fearful. It is the opposite of feeling capable and confident.
Some people view the world through a helplessness lens, feeling like nothing they do will make a difference or they don’t have the power to change their life.
This is a hugely ineffective way to think and definitely leads to more inaction.
By relying on others to do things for you or rescue you from stressful situations, you are preventing yourself from building these skills & also setting yourself up for disappointment from others.
We cannot rely on anyone to “fix us” and by doing so we only set ourselves up for more failure in the future.
One way to challenge this emotion is through action. Try doing something yourself that you might have initially asked someone else for help with. See how it feels to accomplish this task on your own.
Spoiler alert, you will feel MUCH more empowered by completing this action on your own versus asking someone else to do it for you.
I’m not here saying you should never ask for help. But i am saying that if we constantly rely on others, the message we are sending ourselves is that we are not capable of doing these things on our own.
And through the cycle of this, the feeling of helplessness only grows and becomes more intense and hard to change.
Because this emotion can be such a mindset or lens you view the world through, it is included as one of the hardest emotions to deal with.
6. Fear
Fear is a complex emotion that can be both positive and negative.
The positive part of fear is that it protects us! Simply put if we had no fear, we would probably not have lived this long. People need a healthy amount of fear to safely live and survive in this world.
However, when fear becomes disproportionate, irrational, or a baseline emotion you are living in, it is no longer serving you in a healthy way.
Sometimes the fear people feel is exaggerated or it is fear around a potential threat that is not actually present.
Fear can impact people’s decision making, create more anxiety than is necessary and actually impact people’s physical body’s health as well.
Living in a constant state of fear will be detrimental to your emotional, social & physical well-being.
It also will prevent you from being able to experience & enjoy life to its fullest potential.
It’s important to reflect on the role fear plays in your life. Is it healthy & comes up appropriately for specific situations? Or has it gotten pervasive & comes up all the time, regardless of whether or not there is an actual threat?
Some questions to consider when reflecting on whether the fear you feel is helpful or hurtful.
7. Rejection
Ahh, rejection… An emotion that couldn’t be left out of this list. We all probably have felt a sense of rejection at some point in our lives.
Some situations that could bring up this emotion are being broken up with, not getting the job you applied for, one of your caregivers leaving during childhood (or later on in life), feeling excluded by a group of friends who didn’t include you to hang out…
These are only a few examples, but there are so many less common situations that may cause us to feel rejection as well.
Rejection can bring up a range of uncomfortable emotions for people and can be very difficult to sit with and manage. These can include sadness, inferiority, loneliness & jealousy.
Even remembering past rejections can activate a wave of emotions that are painful and upsetting.
People align their self-worth with rejections and perceived rejection can often play a role in someone’s confidence or self-assurance and self-acceptance.
8. Envy & Jealousy
Similar to rejection, envy is an emotion that comes up a lot in therapy and is very painful for people to experience!
Envy and jealousy are slightly different by definition, but both involve comparing yourself to others. Through comparison, feelings of resentment come up about what you have and who you are in reference to someone else.
We might feel envious of someone’s belongings, of their career or success, and of their relationships, with family, friends and romantic partners.
Both envy & jealousy involve us feeling like others have it different than we do in an appealing way. This could be feeling like others have more friends, more travel experiences, more money..
Or on the opposite end feeling like people have less stressors, less toxic family members, less responsibilities…etc
You can see there are so many different ways we compare ourselves to others, and in all of those ways it is almost always detrimental and not helpful to compare.
By constantly comparing ourselves we are setting ourselves up for failure for a few reasons.
One, we don’t actually know the reality of another’s person’s life & inner-world.
We may see a ton of people surrounding them but we actually have no idea what the quality of these relationships are like. Or whether they are supportive or judgmental.
We see such a limited view from the outside, especially through the lens of social media & what people are selectively posting.
Comparison is also unhelpful in the way that we all are on a different timeline & have different values & goals.
So for someone they could feel content with much less than another person. Or for them happiness and fulfillment will look a lot different than what it means to you.
This is important to keep in mind. Basically I’m saying that what makes someone else happy will not necessarily make you happy, and through comparison that concept gets lost.
Also to be frank, there is no value or need for comparison. It actually doesn’t serve any good purpose. It only makes people feel inferior or superior and doesn’t lead to further connection with others.
Comparison, envy & jealousy are emotions we all experience, but i would challenge you to pay attention to how often this is coming up for you and how impactful these thoughts are.
Theodore Roosevelt once said “Comparison is the thief of joy” and he couldn’t be more true!
The less time we spend comparing ourselves to others, the less envious & jealous we will feel & ultimately the happier our lives will become!!
9. Loneliness
Loneliness is an extremely painful emotion to experience. If there was one emotion I could eliminate from the human experience, it might be loneliness.
The reason this feeling is one of the hardest emotions to deal with is how isolating it can feel. Loneliness is the feeling of being disconnected from others.
It can be that you actually are disconnected from others, or it can be a feeling of disconnect even if you have people present in your life.
It is basically a feeling that exists when you don’t feel close to others. It sounds simple but it can be very complex and harmful.
As human beings we are social creatures and need connection whether we want to accept that or not.
In recognizing we need connection, when we don’t feel we have any, it gets internalized as a representation of who we are or that there is something wrong with us.
Loneliness can feel like you don’t have anyone to talk to or the people you are talking to do not understand or see you in the way you wish to be understood.
Loneliness actually impacts us on a physiological level, and this article by Vox explains why loneliness can actually cause us physical pain in addition to the emotions distress.
Loneliness can lead to mental health issues, physical ailments and further social disconnection.
If you are feeling lonely you are not alone! People who seemingly have a lot of loved ones can even experience loneliness on an intense level.
It is not limited to any population and loneliness does not discriminate against anyone.
Because loneliness can be so damaging and painful, if you are experiencing it regularly I encourage you to look into finding peer or professional support.
Both individual therapy and group settings can be very effective in decreasing feelings of loneliness & the impact of this emotion on your life in general.
10. Love
Many of you might be surprised to see love on this list. And I include it with a caveat…
Love can be the most wonderful, fulfilling and rewarding part of being alive.
But, it can also be one of the most painful and difficult parts of life as well.
If you have experienced feelings of love you can understand how incredible they are. Building connections & feeling loved by others can be one of the most positive feelings ever!
But love can create many challenges as well. If you have ever been in love, you likely are familiar with heartache as well.
Heartache or a broken heart is a direct result of giving or receiving love from someone and having that be taken away.
Love is also the reason for many conflicts, crimes & acts of passion.
Don’t get me wrong, here at The Healing Words, we love love! We love friendship love, romantic love, family love, pet love, plant love, self love culture love, city love… all the love!!
I would never discourage anyone from feeling the emotion of love. Being vulnerable is a courageous act that helps you open yourself up for different types of love and understanding.
I included it on the list because it is an emotion that people talk about in therapy ALL THE TIME.
Love can be the most rewarding part of being alive and it can also be the most painful part of being alive.
Sometimes people will say that love makes people do crazy things, and they aren’t wrong.
Love can cause people to uproot their lives, make impulsive decisions, forget about their own basic needs.
Love can be helpful and hopeful and it can also be hurtful.
Love is a wonderful emotion and I think we all should be a bit more open to feeling and giving it!
However, it is important to recognize the complexity of this emotion and some of the pains and challenges associated with it.
I know this may seem a little complicated, but it felt important to include it on this list of the hardest emotions to deal with.
Because, despite how wonderful love is, it can also be confusing and difficult and painful.
To Wrap it Up…
This article reviewed 10 of the most common emotions that come up for people of all ages.
It went over what the emotions are, why they are painful, and how most people experience them..
Keep in mind when reading this list that there are no emotions that are flat out bad or good. Every emotion is more complex than that.
Mindfulness is a framework that promotes being present with our emotions without judging them!
This is important to keep in mind when reading this article. We don’t want to judge or shame ourselves for feeling any emotions, including the emotions on this list.
We should not aim for a life where we don’t feel certain emotions, cause that would be limiting our potential human experience.
We should have skills and techniques to manage the uncomfortable emotions when they arise, but we don’t want to eliminate them all together.
If you ever wonder about the emotions that frequently come up for you or that you can’t seem to shake, you are not alone.
After reading this list, you should feel less isolated with some of these emotions and have a bit more self-compassion with yourself when you experience them.
Because one we all feel these things and two there is nothing wrong with feeling these things!
Through my clinical experience, I have spent thousands of hours listening to people reflect on their lives and these are the most painful emotions that come up frequently.
